Welcome To Fibro-Haze Humor Page 5
UPDATE: October 2, 1998 - To date 1,600+ Survey Responses from 14 Countries including Australia, Belgium, Canada, Germany, Israel, Netherlands, New Zealand, Philippines, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, and the United States! Sharing frustrations is good, but so is laughter! I know it can be difficult to view things in a positive way sometimes, but I'll take laughter any day, opposed to crying!
I sincerely thank you all!
This lady is a geology teacher. She took her class on a "fossil hunt" near the creek in the back of the school one day since she was feeling more "Fibro-Hazed" than usual. As she described things they would be looking for, she was walking just a bit too close to the creek. The next thing she remembers is seeing her feet fly out from under her, only to land on her "rear" while her class watched with amazement! She believed they were a little fearful of laughing, however, she was relieved when they did! It made the whole event less stressful! (She commented, "How many times have you wished your teacher would make a complete fool of herself?" - What a great story!!)
This lady was helping out a friend by watering the grass while she was away on business. One day she was going to rest before watering the lawn, which she usually did early in the morning! She was only resting for a few minutes when she looked at the clock... and she saw that is was 6:30. As she was watering the lawn, she noticed that the sun seemed to feel hotter, instead of cooler. Then after a few more minutes of watering the lawn, she noticed that the sun was setting in the East??? Now, it only a took a few more seconds to realize it was 6:30 pm, not 6:30 am!! (What a Great Story!)
This lady says she actually coined the phrase, "Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up!". She was in the sewing room with her mother. She sat down on the floor, and eventually slid onto the floor to rest. However, when she wanted to sit back up, her mother thought she was joking! (Great story, but she never did tell me how long she remained in the floor!)
This lady lives on a farm with her husband. Her husband decided he would plow the field, and instructed her to turn off the power, and then finish stringing up the electric fence!! (OKAY, I see problems already!! I am not allowed to play with our electrical appliances!! Man, I am losing it, as I am trying to type... this is just too funny!!) She goes out of the house to the barn, oh, she meant to bring the dog with her. She goes back for the dog. Walk back to the barn, tie the dog so he doesn't get injured while she is working on the fence. She can't remember what is supposed to do, so she goes back to house, ah, forgot the dog... go back to barn, got the dog, now back to the house again. She goes back and forth, getting more confused with each journey, finally deciding to wait on her husband to return before attempting to work on the electrical fence!! (What a Great Story!!)
This lady changed options with her local server! She thought the unlimited access would be great. However, when she finally began to read her credit card transactions, she noticed she was paying a flat rate for up to 20 hours, but then must pay $2.95 per hour...WHAT???? Her credit card charges were over $100.00! She called them to let them know she has Fibromyaglia, and 'it' made her get confused!! (I love it... it is about time we can blame Fibromyalgia for something, Ha!!)
This lady tells me she doesn't have ONE funny story, she has many!! She "repeatedly" locks herself out of her home. One day, she had to ask her mother to push her through the window while wearing a dress... Another time, as she was trying to climb through the window, her dog kept licking her face, as she was completely tearing up her pantyhose... Then another time, she found the perfect way to introduce herself to new neighbors... just lock yourself out!! And another time, she had to 'kick' the door in because she and her baby were getting soaked from the rain... Need I continue?? (These are so Funny!!)
This lady tells me her fiance always jokes about her health problems being caused by whiplash, and that he could 'cure' her with another good whiplash!
This lady was in for her regular exam, and the doctor was checking out the tender points. One day he pressed just a little too hard on one of the tender points, and the lady fell to the floor. When she landed, she knocked the doctor's feet from under him, and he landed on top of her!! I think she was glad her husband was in the room with her! (What a great story!)
A lady was playing Frisbee with her young daughter, since this isn't so exhausting! It was her turn to throw the Frisbee back. She said she flicked her wrist so perfectly, then the wind caught it, so it was 'flying', which is what a Frisbee should do. Right? No, not if it is heading straight for your daughter's head and her attention has drifted elsewhere. So she decides to warn her.... trouble is she can't remember her name! She said she just stood there yelling, hey you, hey you, hey, what's your name, watch out for that Frisbee! (What a funny story!)
This lady found some over-due library books one night while cleaning. She told her husband about them. The next morning he was on his out the door to work. He pulled out his wallet, handing his wife some money. She asked him for what should the money be used? He reminded her of the library books!! After he left, she thought... Now where did I put those books? (Great story!)
This lady was engaged, and had phoned her fiancee at his mother's home. Her boyfriend had already left, and she told her 'mother-in-law to be' that she would phone later. She was very nice, however, when she placed the phone receiver down, she had missed the telephone. She was trying to dial another number, but could hear her fiance's mother saying things like... "That girl is always sick"... "She never gets better"... " What does my son see in her anyway?"... This lady says that she, and her mother-in-law are the best of friends, but the beginning was a little rocky!! (Funny!)
The scene of the crime: Gym Class - - This lady is a gym teacher, and has many students pass through daily. She works with 2 other teachers, and they are responsible for the students combined. This day she was in quite the 'haze'... A student came running up to her, asking for permission to go to her locker! The teacher scoffed at her request, telling her to go ask her regular gym teacher! The student stood there for just a moment, then said, "But you ARE my regular teacher!". Quick thinking allowed the teacher to tell the student that she was just testing her... she knew all along that she was the student's regular gym teacher!! (Close call!! Funny!!)
Okay Folks... I am telling this one, JUST AS IT WAS RECEIVED!! This lady had been having health problems for quite a while. She had been to the doctor, and was very excited when she arrived back home. She told her husband of her diagnosis, Fibromyalgia. He didn't exactly hear what she said, and asked, "What did you say? The doctor diagnosed you with Butt-Fungus?". The lady laughed as she tried to explain 'Fibromyalgia' to her husband. However, that is the term they use to refer to it, when not in public!! (Too Funny!!)
This lady had dropped her two daughters off at their grandma's for the night, saying she would pick them up after her morning shift! After the morning shift, she arrived at her home, and as she went in the door, her husband asked, "Where are the girls?". She had FORGOTTEN TO PICK THEM UP!! This lady also says, she doesn't recommend backing out of the garage with the door shut! (Oh, my! Too, funny!!!)
This lady had her granddaughter over to spend the night. When morning came, the grandmother went into the room and told her little granddaughter to get out of bed, and they would prepare some breakfast. The little granddaughter move slowly, and humped over as she walked across the floor. She also had a look of pain on her face. Concerned, the grandmother asked, "Honey, what's wrong?". The granddaughter looked up at her and said, "Nothing, grandma... I'm just getting out of bed like you.". (What a funny story!)
This lady had to call the phone company to report an error on her bill. She practiced over and over all morning trying to decide what she would say. The time came and the phone was ringing at the phone company. Wow, she was shocked when an actual human answered. She had expected to receive a message and be on hold for a while. The phone company employee said, "I need your name and number, please.". Well, the lady was in such shock, she just kept repeating,... uh.... uh... uh... as she was pacing around the kitchen looking for the bill. Finally, she finds it and with a sigh of relief she says, "Oh, here's my name and number. I thought for a minute there, I would have to call you back!". (What a wonderful story!)
This lady had a stroke, then found out she had Fibromyalgia. She goes to an old country church with an old fashioned pastor. On her first Sunday back, she was walking through many people, when he pastor mentioned how good it was to have her back and did the doctor give her a diagnosis. She told the pastor she had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. He boldly stated, "Oh well, you will better after a hot mineral oil enema!"!! Never dreaming this would happen twice... it did again the next Sunday. I think she just steered clear and the church eventually got a more understanding pastor! (Funny!)
This friend of mine two mortgages per month, one for the home and one for their rental property. She told me that she 'never' fails to leave the wrong payment at the wrong bank, having to go out the next day to switch them! (Her life would be made easier, if those two banks would merge! Ha!)
This lady was grocery shopping when she picked up her case of diet cokes. After she had already drank 9 of them, she was telling her daughter that they were good and she could not taste a difference. Her daughter went into the kitchen. She told her mom, "Well, no wonder, they ARE regular cokes"! (Cute!)
This lady says she used to be the most impatient person. Before her health changed, if someone 'old' was in the check out line in front of her, she would make a motion to her friend as if she were using a 'cattle prod'. It was not too long after this, that she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and she could not move briskly anymore. She says she cannot stand in line without looking over her shoulder to see if someone is using the 'cattle prod' motion toward her! Now she believes in the theory... "what goes around, comes around"! (How true!)
A man at the beginning of his bout with Fibromyalgia went to see his doctor. The doctor assured him the pain was coming from the shoes he was wearing, so he went out and purchased a new pair. When this didnít help, he went to see another doctor and was immediately diagnosed with Fibromyalgia! So, he got a new pair of shoes he didnít need and a diagnosis he didnít want, but still laughs about it today! (Hey, I wonder if we could tell our fellows this one to rate a new pair of shoes? Very funny!)
This lady sent me her survey responses, and mentioned a couple of times, that since she has been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, she gets a terrible headache after sex. Finally, I couldn't resist and especially since this lady seemed so positive and balanced... I told her perhaps she should move a little farther away from the headboard! (This lady immediately e-mailed me - ROF/LOL. She told me she was ACTUALLY in the floor laughing, and that she wish she'd have known me years ago. Ha!)
This lady said she referred to her days of Fibro-Haze as having a 'foggy brain', when one day her toddler announced that his mommy has 'froggy brains'. (Out of mouth of babes!)
This lady wrote and told me her first experience with Fibro-Haze almost scared her to death and she felt she would never be the same... She had finished a phone call and the other person had already said good-bye. But she couldn't figure out what to do with the phone. She said she could not remember how or where to hang it up. (Bless her heart. I think it is 'strange', how the 'same' changes!)
If you don't see your story on one of the Fibro-Haze Humor Pages, please send it again, via e-mail. Just list the 'Subject'... as Duplicate Humor Story!!
If you like these pages, send me a note!
Donna Heart's Fibromyalgia Home Page!
To read the article about publicity information, check this out!!
Heart to Heart Newsletter #1
The latest scoop on my book project!!
Fibro-Haze Page #1
The laughter begins here!!
More Fibro-Haze Humor #2
And even more laughter... You'll like it, you'll love it, you'll want some more of it!!
More Fibro-Haze Humor #3
Look here for a good laugh!
More Fibro-Haze Humor #4
And even more laughter...
You are on Fibro-Haze Humor Page #5
More Fibro-Haze Humor #6
And even more laughter...
Teen Fibromyalgia Page
If you are a teen with Fibromyalgia, please check out this site. Crystal is trying to form a "Circle of Friends" for teen support!
If you are a teen or know of one with Fibromyalgia, please tell them about Crystal's Teen Survey!!!
Fibromyalgia, what a pain in the...
Heart!! A pain the heart... this is what Fibromyalgia looks like to me! Check this out for a 'smile'.
If you have a great & simple recipe to share, please send it to me and I'll put it on my page! You may see one you want to use!
I plan to include some humorous stories in my book, and submission of your story serves as right to publish! These stories will be used for fun, including my own wacky ones! If you object to having the story published, please do not submit it! Names will never be mentioned!
ATTENTION - I AM LOOKING FOR "FIBRO-HAZE HUMOR STORIES" WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS FOR MY BOOK - SOME OF THESE WILL BE STORIES WHICH WILL - NOT- BE PUBLISHED ON MY INTERNET PAGES -
I WANT TO HAVE SOME "SURPRISE" HUMOR FOR THOSE WHO READ THE FIBRO-HAZE PAGES ON A REGULAR BASIS!! - PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR STORY, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO MENTION YOUR NAME, AS IN ALL OF MY "DISCLAIMERS", IT SPECIFIES THAT NAMES WILL NOT BE USED!! Thanks, and be well!!